Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize