I wish I could teleport
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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