My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
