If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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