Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
