On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
