You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My penis needs a shock collar
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
