So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
