You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
3pm strippers are depressing
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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