The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
