I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
