Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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