i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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