i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
