no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm bleeding and have questions
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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