I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
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I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
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You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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