He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
