dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize