my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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