great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
