I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
