I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
