OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
