put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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