Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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