Who wears a wallet chain?!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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