Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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