i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
not ubering you a puppy
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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