Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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