How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
