yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Never joke about your clitoris.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
