I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
