Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
