i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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