Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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