The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
