Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
