So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
