Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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