It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
