dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
