I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
...so i touched it.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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