Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
