Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
