You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
