Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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