Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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