Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
