I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
