So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
