There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
