i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
