good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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