So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We're too hungover to prance.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
