there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
