why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
