I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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