Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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