Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
