im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
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When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
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Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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