Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
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Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
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What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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