i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
