The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
