I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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