her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
